Tag Archives: warning

To The Concerned Public

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It has come to our attention speculations that Abstergo is obtaining genetic code know as DNA without consent of its owner. There has also been talk that we are building a secret DNA library without public notification or consent.

This is all false information; we at Abstergo adhere to strict rules and only obtain DNA or any other genetic information through extensive contracts that are signed willing by our generous volunteers. Depending on our work and the contract signed by our volunteer, we dispose of any genetic information obtained during testing once we are finished. We thank you for your patients while we sort this out, for more information please call our public relations desk.

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Operations in Korea

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A quick announcement:

Effective today, security operations at our location in Seoul, South Korea will be heightened to Level 5 due to increasing tensions on the Korean Peninsula.  All remaining personnel will be required to attend Emergency Training by the end of this week, no exceptions.  International travel to this facility remains open, but is discouraged at this time.

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[INTERCEPT EMBEDDED TRANSMISSON]

[#10 has been destroyed and our interests in the north have been compromised.  U. has lost control of the situation, and has been lost to us as well.  Such actions cannot be tolerated.  Our operations in that region have been aborted and personnel have been pulled back.  Await further instruction.]

[END EMBEDDED TRANSMISSION]
[NOTHING IS TRUE, EVERYTHING IS PERMITTED]
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Warning, please read!

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Important message:

We advise all persons against the substance dihydrogen monoxide. This substance, which is also used in some of our medications, have the following side effects:

  • Also called ‘hydroxyl acid’, the substance is a major component of acid rain;
  • Contributes to soil erosion;
  • Contributes to the greenhouse effect;
  • Accelerates corrosion and breakdown of electrical equipment;
  • Excessive ingestion may cause various unpleasant effects;
  • Prolonged contact with its solid form results in severe tissue damage;
  • Inhalation, even in small quantities, may cause death;
  • Its gaseous form may cause severe burns;
  • It has been found in the tumors of terminal cancer patients;
  • Withdrawal by those addicted to the substance causes certain death within 168 hours;

Nevertheless, governments and corporations continue using it widely, heedless of its grave dangers.